About Girls with ADD/ADHD

When most people think of ADD/ADHD, they usually picture a rowdy, hyperactive boy with a short attention span. This is because many of the most obvious boys with ADD/ADHD act out their traits as a flurry of scattered activity, visible distractibility in school, or disruptive and inappropriate social behavior. This tends to get noticed. The actual rates of ADD/ADHD, however, are about the same in both genders according to experts.

Click on this link to learn more about Groups for Girls with ADD/ADHD in Seattle.

The way that most girls experience or express their ADD/ADHD does not tend to get noticed - which is why it is so often missed. They are usually diagnosed as having the “primarily inattentive” type of ADD/ADHD. They may be sensitive and quiet and labeled as spacey or daydreamers. Some common challenges in inattentive type ADD/ADHD are difficulties getting started, being forgetful, spacing out, disorganization of thoughts and the environment, and feeling completely overwhelmed. Even when girls are diagnosed with the hyperactive type of ADD/ADHD, their hyperactivity usually manifests as excessive talking and quick emotional and verbal reactivity, rather than the acting out behaviors often seen in boys.

While both genders can be the victims of bullying and rejection by their classmates, studies have shown that girls with ADD/ADHD experience more isolation and feel more rejected than boys. (Understanding Girls with ADHD by Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D., Ellen Littman, Ph.D., and Patricia Quinn, M.D) This may be because relationships between girls are usually highly verbal and centered on social interactions while relationships between boys are often centered on sports, other physical activities, or playing video games. Sophisticated communication skills are often not as crucial for teen age boys.

When ADD/ADHD causes distractibility, forgetfulness, or impulsiveness, it’s pretty difficult to follow a fast conversation or respond appropriately to subtle social nuances. Girls may receive critical reactions from their friends because of what they inadvertently say (or don’t say) in a social context. This can be devastating if it happens often enough and can create self-doubt and anxiety around taking social risks in the future.

Academically, even highly intelligent girls with ADD/ADHD may end up working longer and harder than their non-ADD friends. I know quite a few high school girls who frequently stay up all night to write a paper or study for a test. They can become very discouraged when their grades don’t reflect their efforts. It may also seem like everybody else can get their work done early enough to go to bed at a decent hour, even with after school activities. Some reasons that studying can take so long without the desired results are perfectionism, not knowing how to start, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty with sustaining focus, or being unable to stay linear in their approach without veering off in all sorts of other directions.

Because of these social and academic challenges, girls may become anxious, exhausted, or depressed. On top of their internal struggles, they are bombarded with external messages about how they should look and act and what they should achieve in order to gain acceptance and approval. Although most of these messages are well meaning (except from the media) they can be damaging when a person with ADD/ADHD is already doing the best they can. Teen age girls often spend tremendous amounts of energy trying to hide their ADD/ADHD or over compensate for it. Most of my high school clients tell me that they have never known another girl with ADD/ADHD.

To transform this feeling of isolation and offer girls opportunities to learn ADD/ADHD management skills, I am offering support/coaching groups for high school girls throughout the school year. Following is a quote by Patricia Quinn, MD and Kathleen Nadeau, PhD, authors and experts on girls with ADD/ADHD:

“One of the most supportive and healing experiences, for females of any age with ADD/ADHD, is to join a group of other females who have the same struggles. Many, for the first time, feel understood and accepted by other females. A girl’s support group can be a "safe" place to talk about worries and to learn about ADD/ADHD and ways to manage problems.”

Please see Groups for Girls with ADD/ADHD page for more information.