Parenting a child with ADHD and/or learning differences can be a
painful and exhausting journey. Because life is harder for our kids,
we take nothing for granted. We appreciate their triumphs more -
whether it’s passing a test, making a friend, learning new skills, or
positive feedback from a teacher. We feel enormous relief and pride
when our children experience success. Our kids are precious. We need
to make sure they know everyday (or as often as possible) that they
are wonderful, loved, and accepted. Here are some tips to help you
along the road.
- Learn as much as possible about Attention Deficit Disorder. It’s
impossible to have realistic expectations or advocate effectively for your kids
unless you know what you’re facing.
- Have your child tested for both ADHD and learning disabilities
because the two commonly go together. People with learning disabilities
have average to high intelligence, along with brains that work and learn
differently. They often have problems in school because their learning
styles are different from the majority of kids in the class. Teachers have to
teach to the majority, so LD kids get left behind. They may not have the
chance to show off their strengths and talents. It’s important to diagnose a
learning difference early on, so you can find help and opportunities for your
children before they become frustrated or feel like a failure. Your child can
be tested for learning differences privately or by the school
psychologist.
- Once your child has been diagnosed, apply for an IEP
(Individualized Education Plan) or Section 504
accommodations at school. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act
(IDEA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 were designed to
ensure that students with disabilities receive equal access to education and
school activities. Eligibility for Section 504 is based on the existence of an
identified physical or mental impairment that significantly impacts your
child’s learning or behavior. If your child is struggling, talk to the school
counselor or psychologist about applying for an IEP or Section 504. Accommodations vary according
to the child’s needs and are a tremendous help to “level the playing field.”
- Ask the school psychologist or testing professional to advocate for
your child. When I had my son tested at the Learning and Language Clinic
in Seattle, the director accompanied me to a meeting with his teachers. She
explained how they could help him learn best. Soon after, they incorporated
her suggestions. Long term assignments turned into smaller, achievable
chunks, we utilized talking books for long and complicated literature; he was
allowed to use the word processor for every assignment, and he wasn’t
graded down for spelling except on final drafts. That meeting improved his
whole middle school experience. When he entered high school, the
psychologist who qualified him for 504 accommodations was also a wonderful
resource and advocate. Ask for help.
- If medication is recommended for your child, research all the options
so you can make an educated decision. As well as traditional medications
for ADHD, there are alternative and complementary approaches to explore.
Some people experience a reduction in symptoms through naturopathic or
homeopathic medicine. Others combine traditional medicine with
supplements such as flax seed or cod liver oil. A deficiency of fatty acids
has been implicated in ADHD. I started with the natural approach for my
son and tried “brain health” fatty acid supplements. After a few years and
not much difference, I realized he needed traditional medicine. He was
struggling in every area of his life. First he tried Concerta, which did nothing
for his brain but make him nauseous. When he was sixteen, he tried
Adderall for the first time. He arrived home from work and said, “I can’t
believe something legal can make me feel like this. I can carry on a
conversation, I can concentrate, everything seems so clear. My supervisor
even complimented me on what a good job I was doing!” That had never
happened before. It’s important to try different medications and approaches
as soon as your children are diagnosed. It may take awhile to find
something that works and they deserve to learn, make friends and
experience the joys of childhood.
- Stay involved and develop a partnership with your child’s teacher.
Work with the teacher to create a plan that keeps you aware of your child’s
progress at school. Make it clear you want to be notified right away if there
are social or academic problems, so you can problem solve before things get
out of control. Stand up for your child, educate the school staff about ADHD,
but try not to alienate the teacher. Remember that most teachers have your
child’s best interests at heart, but are often uninformed about ADD and
overwhelmed with too many students.
- Join a support group or online forum with other parents. Finding
the opportunity to express your concerns and share your experiences
with others who have ADD kids can be invaluable. Group members offer
each other perspective, support, resources and good old fashioned
advice. When your child is struggling academically and socially, it’s
a tremendous relief to meet parents who aren’t talking about their
children’s straight A’s or their millions of friends.
- Use a comprehensive approach. All the experts agree that
successfully managing ADD requires a variety of strategies. Don’t
stop with just medication and school support. What kind of food does
your child eat? A diet high in protein and low in sugar and simple
carbohydrates is the best diet for reducing symptoms. Exercise is
crucial for discharging anger and hyperactivity. Get your kid on a
sports team. If the competition of team sports produces too much
stress, there are other options such as dance, martial arts and
biking. Coaching is also beneficial. A coach can help parents and
older teens (old enough to be motivated and cooperative) by
providing a listening ear, encouragement, recommendations,
information, advocacy and practical techniques to maintain
structures and schedules. If you’re at the end of your rope and want
additional support and ideas, a coach may be just what you need.
- Find balance in your life and your family. Although parenting a
child with ADD requires a lot of time and energy, save some of it
for yourself, your marriage, and your other children. Keep from
burning out by taking time for yourself whenever possible. Something
as simple as a walk with a friend can provide you with new energy
and fresh perspective. Hire a babysitter and make a date with your
spouse at least once a month. And don’t forget that siblings who are
doing well also need praise and attention. If the ADD child gets all
of your time, resentment can grow like a weed.
- Don’t blame yourself. Remember that ADD is a no fault disorder,
like diabetes or near sightedness. Find some peace in the fact that
you love your child and are doing the best you can.
- Look for the positive. When you’re feeling at the end of your
rope, remind yourself of your children’s strengths, talents, and all
the good things they offer you and your family. Is your son funny?
Is he a good artist? Does your daughter make up wonderful stories?
Remind your children of their strengths as well, as often as
possible.
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