Here are some tips to help:

• If he/she takes medication, make sure it’s still working.
  
• If possible, be clear beforehand about what you want to discuss. This may mean holding onto some issues for just a little while until you can be specific.
  
• When talking about something important, make sure it’s at a time your spouse listens and focuses best. Is it in the early morning, when he/she first wakes up? Maybe it’s in the evening, after the kids are in bed.
  
• If you are having a planned conversation, try to anticipate any distractions or interruptions that might get him/her off track. Agree ahead of time not to answer the phone, make sure the TV is off and the computer is out of sight.
  
• Don’t try to start talking with your partner when he/she is involved in another activity. For example, they’ll keep looking back at the computer until you are nuts with frustration. If it’s important, make an appointment to talk.
  
• Whenever possible, be detailed in your explanations of how you felt. There are many degrees of mad. Maybe you felt annoyed instead of furious.
  
• If your spouse tends to interrupt frequently, work with him/her on creating some systems that will benefit you both. People with ADD often interrupt because they are afraid if they don’t say something right then, they will forget. Suggest that he/she have a pen and paper handy so they can write down their thoughts until it’s their turn to talk. Some couples use email as part of their communication. It’s an excellent way to talk without being interrupted.
  
• If he/she is antsy and can’t sit still, give them something to fidget with while you’re talking. An ADD friend of mine plays games on her cell phone while we’re talking. I used to feel insulted, but now I realize she listens better that way.
  
• Think of an interesting way to capture your spouse for a conversation. This could be with a massage, sitting down together for a meal, or sharing a hammock in the backyard.
  
• If your spouse changes directions so frequently you can’t remember what your conversations were originally about, write the subject down and keep coming back to it. It’s not uncommon to find yourself planning the family vacation when you started off talking about the food budget.
  
• If you perceive your spouse wondering off in his/her mind, touching them (not kicking them!) will probably bring him back.
  
• Writing down ahead of time what you’d like to discuss will start the conversation off on the right foot and keep it focused.
  
• Paraphrase and ask your spouse to do the same. Paraphrasing is a non-judgmental reflection of what the other person said and reduces misunderstandings. If you were to paraphrase, you would tell your spouse what they just said to you in your own words. And they would do the same when it was your turn to talk. If they don’t get what you’re saying, try again with different words.
  
• Take a problem solving approach and turn your complaint into a request. Since it will be easy for your partner to agree to something and not follow through, help them anticipate obstacles that will get in the way. Brainstorm solutions and ask how they will be held accountable.
  
• Don’t talk for too long. If you still have issues to get off your chest, set up another time to talk again as soon as possible.
  
• To protect yourself and help guarantee a better outcome, develop some ground rules for your big and little conversations. You might want to take the initiative and present a list of rules to your mate. After you include their input, sign it and ask them to do the same. Post copies of it in your bedroom, kitchen, and other places you are inclined to talk.