• She’s always late. I can never depend on her to show up on time.
• He’ll say, “You never told me that!” when I know I did.
• Our yard looks like a garbage dump from all the stuff he brings home. I’m embarrassed to ask anyone over.
• She interrupts me constantly when I’m talking, without an apology or an “Excuse me.”
• It takes him two weeks to mow the lawn. And that’s after I’ve reminded him ten times to finish it.
• She’s spent a fortune on filing and organizing systems, but her papers are still piled up to the ceiling. I don’t go into our office anymore.
• She blew up at me out of the blue and said horrible things. Twenty minutes later, she acted as if nothing happened.
• He hasn’t been able to keep a job for more than six months. Whenever he quits, it’s always somebody else’s fault.
• She charges things online without worrying about how we’re going to pay for them. Our credit cards are all maxed out.

Do any of the above complaints ring a bell? If your partner has attention deficit disorder, you may be wondering: is this book about us? Although every relationship is different, loving someone with ADD can be quite challenging. In response to their behaviors, our feelings may vary from slight irritation to overwhelming frustration, hurt, stress, and anger. This is not to say that all ADD marriages are unhappy. Most people with ADD have wonderful characteristics, such as spontaneity, directness, creativity, charisma, and unlimited energy. In many relationships, those positive traits exceed the problems. For others, the difficult symptoms of the disorder, such as disorganization, broken promises, outbursts of anger, and impulsivity outweigh the positives, and the situation is unbearable—especially if the person with ADD isn’t getting treatment and support.

This workbook is different from other books about attention deficit disorder, because it was written from the perspective of a non-ADD partner. These pages don’t focus on taking care of your ADD spouse or making your relationship work. They are about taking care of yourself. Consequently, as you become healthier and happier, your partner may reap the benefits and your relationship could get better.

The main message of this book is that sometimes it’s OK and even imperative to put yourself first. (Or at least second, if you have kids!) Living with and loving a partner with ADD can be tough at times, and you deserve special care and support. This book is for you.